Last week was another experiment in my *~*~*~influencing adventures~*~*~*. It still feels very silly, but dressing up my new Bunnicula shirt from Out of Print was kind of fun. It’s odd. I’m still having some issues accepting my recent weight gain; part of me is miserable about it and part of me is coming to terms with it. Taking pictures of myself helps, but it’s still hard to look at myself sometimes.
And it scares me, which means I should keep working at it.
This is my favorite time of year; the transition from summer to fall. It’s not quite autumn and the summer heat is fading and the anticipation of Halloween and the holidays is just around the corner. The desire to get cozy is creeping up, and like a bear getting ready for winter I’m feeling the urge to cuddle up and hibernate.
And my birthday is in October, which is a nice perk. In San Francisco, the first week of October is always inexplicably sunny after months of the summer fog. Furthermore, it’s Fleet Week where the Blue Angels fly over the Bay. All around a good time. Even though Hardly Strictly Bluegrass isn’t happening in the park this year thanks to COVID19, I’m sure the time around my birthday will be pretty rad.
But that’s still a month away, and while that one week out of the year is nice in SF, the rest of the world is gearing up for the chilly autumn. Are your fingers too cold to work on your screenplay? Can you see your breath in front of you as you try to work out your plot and dialogue? (Probably more a sign you need a space heater than anything else). Well, read on for some of the coziest autumn essentials to make your writing and life much comfier as the days grow colder.
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Lookhuman is actually one of my favorite places. They’ve got cute designs for every time of year, but now that it’s autumn the pullovers are where it’s at!
I’ve been trying my hand at ‘influencer’-y things (ugh) and trying to get over my massive amounts of self-consciousness. It feels futile; I’m not influential. My 75 followers probably don’t want any influencing. It’s just kind of a silly experiment. Especially since I can’t go out and see things and take pictures in cool locations, considering the current plague going on.
But one of my favorite Instagram users mentioned that they were self-conscious sitting down. It’s a challenge to be sure. I must’ve taken like forty pictures and these were the only three I was happy with. But also I can see what I actually look like — overcoming the huge disconnect between my mind and body (the dysmorphia is real), as well as being a plus-size person in front of the camera. It’s interesting to challenge myself this way. I’m pretty good at writing, and I’ve always been good at moving my body (I’ve got a black belt in karate for Pete’s sake), but looking at myself and being in front of a camera is a completely different hurdle.
But I kind of like it.
I kind of feel good about this, flub and thunder thighs and all. I’m never going to be a size two. That doesn’t mean I shouldn’t celebrate my body for all the gifts it’s given me. I’m cute. I’m pudgy. I sit down and look okay doing it!
The thing I’ve gleaned from this more than anything else is just keeping trying things that scare you. I was terrified of posting these pictures to my instagram, but it all worked out in the end.
Try something terrifying. Try something that makes you a little apprehensive. It’ll work out, I promise.
Betsy the Gremlin 