Fat Girl in Film Land

I’m going to be brutally honest; there’s something utterly devastating and soul-crushing about being plus size in a world that idolizes thinness. That’s just a fact. Right now I’m sitting pretty at a size 20-22 jean and a 3X shirt and sometimes don’t want to leave the house because of the potential to be seen by some jerk who thinks they know what’s best for me. Los Angeles, California (and really the whole world?), just doesn’t have the infrastructure and chutzpah to love someone like me. Further still, I grew up in San Francisco which, while a notoriously liberal and accepting culture, definitely has no problem shaming fat people for being ‘unhealthy’. (The whole city is proof positive that hating fat people is the last remaining ‘acceptable’ prejudice. Yikes, right?)

And I’m one of the lucky ones; the vitriol infini-fats, and plus size POC and GNC people suffer is beyond cruel. If you squint I’m an ‘hourglass’ shape, (and I’m not going to lie, my face is super cute which doesn’t hurt). I can fake being thinner than I am in pictures. If I stick with above the waist selfies or angle things just right I look more conventionally attractive.

But I wish I didn’t have to.

Hate you 3000

God, I was looking for a podcast and ended up on one that was recapping the oscars (Ringer’s ‘The Big Picture’), and then one of them said that Endgame was a good movie, and I just had to turn it off.

Am I wrong? I don’t really understand how someone can call Endgame a good movie. It was up for best SFX, but even those were just flash. It had an infinite budget, but there was nothing original or interesting about their effects at all.

And the story sucked; it was completely out of character for each protagonist, it was filled with weird callbacks for the audience that didn’t hit nearly as well as they could’ve if they were well written, and the entire time travel thing was poorly executed at best.

I used to be a real MCU fan, but I literally just dropped it after Endgame. That’s the sign of a bad movie if nothing else. I’m still mad about it because I was invested in those characters and those stories and the payout was just trash. I’m still a big Captain America fan, but really only the fandom version of him now; his ending was completely ruined.

God even the costuming and hair/makeup wasn’t good or in-character. I just can’t.

Gremlin Watches: ‘9-1-1: Lone Star’

9-1-1: Lone Star with Rob Lowe and Liv Tyler

This show sucks. This show sucks so bad; don’t watch it.

That’s it, that’s the review.

Okay, no it’s not it, but that’s really all there is to it. Going over the writing, characters/characterization, and acting (and literally every other metric you can conceive) we’ll delve deep into the suckiness of this show.

The Nicholl Fellowship looms.

I’m struggling a lot with what I want to write for my Nicholl Fellowship screenplay. I don’t feel confident enough in my old stuff to work from those, but I literally am having no ideas as to what to write for something new.

The early submission date is in 32 days. (I can wait longer and do regular or late submission, but it costs more).

As of right now, my brain is bouncing three subpar ideas around in my head;

  • A gay bull rider on the rodeo circuit trapped in the closet.
  • A young woman with control issues has to go to europe to collect her dead twin’s body after he commits suicide.
  • A school shooting.

That’s it. I don’t hate any of them, but they’re not giving me the passion I once had with writing, ya know? But maybe I just don’t have that passion anymore because I’m older and wiser and jaded. And I’m feeling a little gun-shy because the response I got back from my AFF coverage, while good, said it wasn’t the most original story. So now I’m wracking my brains trying to come up with something original.

Either way, writing is still hard. To win the Nicholl Fellowship would be a huge deal, and the fact is the story idea itself needs to be original, plus the dialogue and writing needs to be perfect. Even then it’s a long shot. I don’t anticipate this is going to be my year, but I want to submit nonetheless — this is my career, this is what I’d have to do to get noticed in my field.

Back to the drawing board.